A Knife 's feelings

Eww! This is horrible. I feel all sticky and gooey. I absolutely stink. Haven’t this excuse for a man ever heard about cleaning? He has been using me ever since he bought me two months ago and still hasn't washed me once. I would have been so much better off if I was still at home. I miss it there - sitting on the display with those other friendly knives laughing, talking and having fun. Instead, here I am stuck with this criminal who already used me to commit a dozen or so crimes. I feel guilty. He is using me for doing these horrible, unforgivable sins. I only have my luck to curse for ending up here. I should have just been content with the life I had led before. Instead I always envied any of us who were bought. I guess I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to feel useful and be used. But I never once thought of what I might be used for. The very first thing this man who I am ashamed to call my master did with me was cut the bottom part of a lady's shopping bag. Just a bit, but that was enough. He achieved what he wanted and robbed her without even letting her know he did. That incident was just one of the many crimes he commited with my help, but that was only a minor incident compared to the many others he did and got away with. I have always wanted and dreamt of doing something good - dignified, or useful when I will be used for the very first time, but just look! I helped this man steal! Although I couldn’t help it because I am being controlled, I still blame myself for all this. I just hope that I can get out of his custody soon because for all I know I might be used for murdering someone! I just wish I could walk around like those forks can at night. This is why I envy them. They can move around all they like during night time without risking damage. They aren’t even kept in sheaths. Even if I did manage to stand upright I am just going to end up slipping and damaging myself - not that I care anymore. What with all this filth. Anyway stealing was just the starting. Just yesterday he held me against a small child’s neck, threatening the kid’s parents to give him a large sum of money or risk having their child killed. Do you have any idea how horrible it is to not be able to have any control over yourself and be forced to do dreadful things? Later when I found that a thin line of blood lined my blade, I knew where it came from. I just hope that I didn’t hurt too much - but I know, it is just too much to hope for. The poor kid was so scared. I didn’t miss the fearful expression on his parents’ faces which was directed at me either. It is a horrible feeling - being an object of everyone’s fear, some people seem to enjoy that though, but I most certainly don’t. I can’t take this anymore. I am just going to refuse to cut next time - I don’t care who compels, master or not - I am NOT going to help him anymore. I don’t want to live a life full of guilt. How come nobody ever thinks of or took any time to think of how us knives and swords feel when used for committing crimes? Of course! Who cares for us? Absolutely no one.